Quisiera acercarme a Dios, a mi religión de toda la vida, querría rezar, asumir los ritos, tener fe, ejercer como católico, sentir el culto con devoción y que la razón me lo permita.
Siento una necesidad perentoria de espiritualidad pero no acierto a encauzarla.
La soledad me produce un temor íntimo, miedo de mi mismo, hallo en la introspección un dolor y un goce a partes iguales, pero siento que cultivándola me acerco a la memoria de mi hijo de un modo positivo.
Los recuerdos, muy de vez en cuando, empiezan a resultar placenteros, ya no es todo puro dolor. Me he propuesto que el hecho de evocar su persona no sea para llorar sino todo lo contrario para espantar esta infinita tristeza que nos embarga.
¿Si todo lo que nos aconteció a su lado fue bueno, porque ha de ser ahora motivo de desolación? Es la añoranza de lo irrepetible, de lo que sé a ciencia cierta que no volverá, lo que me entristece.
Pero no es más que un juego perverso de la memoria; hay que ejercitarla en otra línea, de tal modo que lo que hoy es motivo de llanto incontenible, pronto sea de alegría. He convivido trece años con alguien excepcional y hoy eso es lo que cuenta.
“NO LLOREIS SI ME AMAIS,
SI CONOCIERAIS EL DON DE DIOS Y LO QUE ES EL CIELO.
SI PUDIERAIS OÍR EL CÁNTICO DE LOS ÁNGELES
Y VERME EN MEDIO DE ELLOS.
SI PUDIERAIS VER DESARROLLARSE ANTE VUESTROS OJOS, LOS HORIZONTES, LOS CAMPOS
Y LOS NUEVOS SENDEROS QUE ATRAVIESO…..”
(Fragmento de la Carta de Santa Mónica a su hijo San Agustín)
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| De 09.07.21 |
7 comentarios:
Es verdad Vicente, sólo está al otro lado, jugando al escondite.
Besos
Marisa
Hola Vicente:
La verdad es que me faltan palabras que puedan añadir algo nuevo a lo que ya se ha dicho.
Me alegro de que tú sí tengas palabras que irle poniendo a tu proceso de búsqueda interior y que quieras compartirlas en este blog.
Me sobrecoge pensar en lo ocurrido. Trato también de darle un sentido. Mantener vivo el recuerdo de Jaime nos ayudará a todos.
Un abrazo
Piluca
tío,
que no se acaben las palabras, el puente hacia algún lugar lleno de luz, desde donde Jaime, con la paciente mirada de la distancia, nos acompaña en los nuevos días.
un abrazo fuerte
JAIME, que ton nom soit toujours, pour ta famille, un souvenir de paix, de courage et de joie.
Une amie canadienne de 85 ans qui t'a connu quand tu es venu à Rome avec ta mère, ta grand-mère et ton oncle Javier,
Claire Bélanger
Dear Paz and Vicente – and Ana,
I have felt very closed to you this past week, and more specially on the 2nd of October … exactly two months after your Little Prince took his flight back to the Heart of God, where he had come from… What a tragic mystery! How much I still grieve with you over his sudden departure!
I have listened a few times to this heart rending Elegy by Auden, that Piluca passed on to me … I can well understand, dear Paz, that the deep sadness that is expressed there in such powerful images still fails to convey the pain you feel at Jaime’s death …
At the same time, I regret that the ‘passage’ to the fullness of Life is absent from this poem.
Sure enough, your Little Prince is Alive, and will remain forever ‘your North, your South, your East and your West’… with infinite sweetness and gratitude, as time goes on … I cannot but see him enfolding you with his arms (as on the recent picture Piluca has shown me) and begging you not to dismantle the sun, nor the moon, and that he is busying himself lightening the stars at night! Surely, he is happy that you ‘fight to overcome’ as you wrote in your message … Yes! Jaime is alive, more than ever! One day, the mystery will be revealed to us too, as we will all be reunited with our loved ones!
Dear Vicente, thank you also for what you write in your blog about your stay in our house of Trenta Aprile, Roma. We are so grateful that the week you passed with us in Rome has been a landmark in your mourning. For sure, the process will go on and require time … but more and more, Jaime will help you to live by and to transmit to others all the happiness and the affection and the love of life he has given you during his 12 years on Planet Earth.
I really wanted to tell you this, with gratitude for Jaime whom I remember well, and for you too!
Affectionately – and with our prayer for the three of you. You are not forgotten!
Marielle Bergeron (Roma)
I was able to open the site and to enlarge a beautiful photo of Jaime - I was very moved to see how handsome he had become.. It just seemed to underline the tragedy of this untimely death.. I do continue to pray for Paz and Vicente.. and I thank God that somehow in the darkeness of terrible grief He has communicated something of His love and care to them.. It so often goes the other way.
Marie McDonald (Uganda) who knew Jaime in Rome
FROM HILDEGUNDE SCHMIDT
I still found a short text from Karl Rahner. When I read it I thought also of Jaime, because someone had once mentioned that his life was like a "shooting star"... come and gone. BUT the star is there. Jaime remains and all he was and is now SHINES, IS BRILLIANT. Rahner's words are beautiful and consoling.
The star is there and is shining.
It is there!
It is small,
because you still have a long way to go.
It is far,
because an endless journey has been asked from your generosity.
Don't get discouraged. The star is there! (Karl Rahner)
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